The Death of the Fellowship Remix
by Teal Huskie
Summary: Based on Huskie's idea. These are the newspaper articles of the deaths of members of the Fellowship. Oh! It's so sad! *coughcough* So how do they die? Read and find out! ...Yes, it is humor. ^^; Very fake.


Hello! ^_^; This was inspired by my friend Huskie, who came up with the original idea.. She told me I could write Legolas' death. Teehee.  
  
So of course I did. o.o;  
Wouldn't you?  
  
Anyways, I have her permission. It was her idea actually, for me to write this, so no flames. I'm not copying. Her stuff is hilarious, see it here http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=562137 

Okay. This is written like a newspaper, and its FAKE FAKE FAKE FAKE! There is no way I would write a serious 'fic where my beloved Legolas died.. o.@;; 

February 26th, 3019

**Rivendell Rhymes**  
**..but with what?****  
**by she-elf Barbwire Walnuts*

Today we have the tragic story that leaves ladies all around the world to cry into their leaf-embroidered handkerchiefs..  
  
The great Elven Prince of Mirkwood, also One of the Nine Fellowship of the Ring members, Legolas Greenleaf, has passed away.  
  
Although many seem to not believe such a disastrous tale (more for their own dreams then for anything else), it is all too true for the other members of the Fellowship.  
  
"He was constantly looking in mirrors." Aragorn, also known as Strider, recalled sadly, prior our interview. "Poor guy couldn't tell how pretty he was without seeing for himself every 5 minutes."  
  
How we found out about his death was from sources that shall remain anonymous.  
  
We took our story to Northen Mirkwood, home of the Prince, and informed the King of his son's death. Needless to say he was not happy. "Now what am I going to do with all these bottles of shampoo and conditioner!?" His outburst seemed to only prove his distress.  
  
As we left, a stray Orc that somehow managed to sneak inside the grounds jumped up, eager for a minutes fame. He babbled about nothing, before finally pausing to ask what our story was. We told him, and he responding by spitting the words "He was ugly anyway!"   
That sentence barely left his mouth before he was covered in arrows. Elves all over had picked up on our conversation, and had been shocked at what he said.   
  
The Orc, who said his name was Bloodnose, now resembles a porcupine.  
  
  
I'm sure a question you are thinking is; how did it happen? We shall now explain.  
  
It was noted that before Legolas joined the Fellowship, he was out scouting the forests of Mirkwood and his heightened sense of sight, which all Elven folk possess, caught sight of something very wrong.  
  
Needlessly, he told no one of this, but a month later, while on the trail, our dear Elf was blackmailed.  
Yes, we agree that blackmailing is what Legolas could have done to the wrong-doers themselves, but what he received was more of a threat letter labeled as blackmail.  
  
The Elf chose to ignore it, so not to worry his companions. This turned out to be his death wish!  
  
  
Much later, while the Fellowship was traveling in canoes down a large river, a piano suddenly fell from the sky and landed on the canoe Legolas was sharing with Gimli the Dwarf, snapping it in half.  
  
Startled, Legolas cried out, getting the attention of the rest of the Fellowship, who had not even heard the heavy splash made by the piano and the crack of the breaking canoe. Even Gimli had not noticed, for he had his nose stuck in a - err - magazine the entire time.  
  
  
"It was a horrible thing to witness." Said Samwise Gamgee, a Hobbit from the Shire.  
  
As the canoe sunk, Legolas made for the shore, while Gimli simply sat on his half of the canoe, which miraculously remained afloat (imagine all that weight, too..), but it was not to be so!  
  
This time, a very large picture of Osama Bin Ladin - one of the secret members of the Scariest Looking People Club - floated down and landing on the water directly infront of Mr. Greenleaf. The Elf had screamed and screamed at the sheer hideousness of the image (it seems he was fond of pretty things instead) and because he stopped swimming to cover his eyes, he drowned!  
  
"We don't even know who Osama Bin Ladin is," Quoted Pippin, also a Hobbit from the Shire, "And what's a piano?"  
  
  
Even though this is a very, very heartbreaking report, we can conclude that you must never go swimming without a lifejacket on when you've been blackmailed prior!

Thank you, readers, and good night.  
  


*Doesn't that sound familar..? .......Bar. Bra. Wal. Ters. XD


End file.
